I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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