I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
did you just send me my own nude
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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