We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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