How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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