I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
