i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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