I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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