I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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