i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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