Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
