We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He better not be in your backpack
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
