I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
