Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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