He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
