I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
