I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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