how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
