Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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