Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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