Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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