You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize