my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
