on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
