fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
