I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
