I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
