we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
