you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
