how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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