what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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