If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
