But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
