wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
