You smell like a Billy Joel song
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
