Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
