Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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