I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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