Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize