I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
