How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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