My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
