Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
