I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
