I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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