I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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