Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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