I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want nice things and good sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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