If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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