I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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