My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have aggressive nipples.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
