she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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