I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
