So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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