Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
