you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
