Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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