I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So squirting runs in the family.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
