boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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