I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
