I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
