There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
